Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
