I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
