the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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