I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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