I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
