Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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