a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?