Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
