I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
