i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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