He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
