my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
