oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
