Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This baby is an asshole
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
