you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
