sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
