Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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