My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
