well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
