I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
