Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
