We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
