Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
