I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
