He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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