i just sent this text using only my big toe
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
