dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
