She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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