every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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