I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
