capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
