I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
