I'm going to jail i love you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
