there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
