sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
