I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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