Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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