it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
