Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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