What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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