Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm like, not good at living.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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