there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
