You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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