I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
