So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
sex in a hospital.. check
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
