K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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