I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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