Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
