we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
