someone threw a dead crab at me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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