Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
