Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
