is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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