Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
