I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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