"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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