My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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