Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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