dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
