K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just threw up on my dentist
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
