hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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