I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
