how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
