How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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