Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize