please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
