I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
