hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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