He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
