Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
