i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
