eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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