I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
