He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
