C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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