oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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