if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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