before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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