I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
