Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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