I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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