I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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