I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
