If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
