Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i will never coherently bang her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
