I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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