I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So much rum. So many feels.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
