It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
