I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
