Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
