I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
