I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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