I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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